its haunting me. really haunting me. been dreaming myself dancing for the past weeks, since the day i'd quit the troupe. im so scared and sad. all the dreams are showing me that i'm going back there. should i? or should i not? i'm so confused. hais. i wanna go back. but my parents dont allow me to. fuck it. i should have finish my exam before i quitted. damn it~ why am i sooooooo toot?! can anyone just slap me or something? i'm so so so so so so so dumb. so what if the troupe's door always opened for me? whats the use? i cant go back and people, stop asking me to go back there. i'm already sick of the dreams, and now i'm like being forced. hais. i really wanna dance. i wanna step onto the stage again, and forever. get those dreams to stop coming back to me. one night is junwei telling me to dance again, one night is meiling, one night is seok, one night is selene, one night is bere, one night is elaine, one night is shuwen, one night is wangda, one night is huang laoshi. the one most saddens me is huang lao shi. i think i kinda dui bu qi him. i'm so sorry. hais. i'm sorry people, but i dont think i cant get back there anymore. i wish to. but i really cant. hais. i wanna dance again. hais. i hope the dreams will just stop for one night. just one night. they are killing me. hais. i'm sad. thinking about the past, making me cry. i cant seem to forget them. hais. who asked me to be so dumb in the first place? put the blame on me. hais. tml is andre's birthday if im not wrong. happy birthday. hais.